As I mentioned in my last post, my mother passed away. At one point in our life we all face the death of a loved one.
It’s an irrefutable painful moment, though I am convinced that, beyond the pain, we can transform a difficult time into a Life Lesson. And then, what was so difficult to accept can become an opportunity to learn something and grow personally.
It’s been more than 9 years now that I started personal development work and through this I have learned an important concept, the concept of responsibility.
I once believed that the concept of responsibility was clear to me. This clarity came from the belief that responsibility was just a ‘mental game’. It can sound sufficient, as we need our brain to process concepts, ideas and principles.
I have since discovered that it’s not enough if we don’t add another important component to fully embody the process.
We should process this concept on a different level; with our heart as well. Or said differently, in the emotional dimension . I know that within a society promoting mental intelligence rather than emotional intelligence, this can be hard to believe!
Perhaps, most men think that the world of emotions is for women only?
As per my own experience, I think that is wrong. We need to understand that such concepts touch our Being, combining both our head and our heart.
Through the tough but liberating process accepting the loss of my mother, I discovered how incomplete my understanding of “being responsible” was.
For so many years, unconsciously of course, I blamed my mother for many of my negative personal beliefs; beliefs that included not being ‘good enough’, not being able to do this or that. I blamed these beliefs on the notion that she did not give me enough of her love, presence, kindness etc…when I was a child.
I believed this in spite of my ‘adult’ brain mentally comprehending the concept that the past is over, and that it’s my own responsibility to create my future.
But within my private thoughts, I was still expecting her to give me what I needed in order to feel whole and complete. In short, I was acting as a victim. I was searching for a guilty person to blame all my short comings and negative script.
It’s terrible to now see the reality I was creating. Once I removed my filters, (as you are removing a pair of glasses that covers the light), and explored my emotions, I realized: “Oh my gosh, no one else other than me was putting myself in this position”.
My mother was not responsible for my life! She played an important role in the construction of my personality, but it is up to me to decide who I am and who I want to be.
It may sound stupid, but I had the impression of waking from a deep sleep. I finally opened my eyes after so many years and realized that the decisions I made up until this point in my life were from my own creation. I am free and totally responsible for my life.
I can’t blame anyone for my behavior.
This was very promising as it showed me that all can be possible if I just decide it! Though very scary, I won’t have someone to blame for my failures or my mistakes.
I think it will take some time to truly apply this concept, but it’s my intention to keep working on it each and every day, and I am committed to this evolution.
I am so grateful for this lesson. It’s unbelievable how much we change our life, when we change our perception.
Life can be “a conscious journey towards your authentic self”.
Grazie mamma per la lezione,
With Love and Gratitude,